Eight things every family should sort out before there is an emergency

This is the conversation everybody puts off. It feels morbid. It feels presumptuous. It feels like you are jumping the gun. So most families have it after the fall, in a hospital corridor, with all the wrong people in the wrong mood.

Having it first costs you one Sunday afternoon. It saves you a fortnight of confusion when something goes wrong. Here is what to actually talk about.

1. Who holds the keys, and where the spares are

Sounds obvious. Almost no family has actually written this down. The questions to answer: who has a key to the front door, and a key to the back door, and the alarm code if there is one? Where is the spare key kept and is it really in a sensible place? Does a neighbour have one for emergencies and does Mum still trust that neighbour?

Bonus: if a parent uses a key safe, is the code written somewhere the family can find it without phoning round? Tell at least two siblings.

2. Who is the named GP contact, and is it actually current

Most older parents have a "next of kin" listed at the GP surgery. Often it is a spouse who has been dead for fifteen years, or a sibling who has moved. Ring the surgery, or ask Mum at her next appointment to update it. List a primary and a secondary contact, ideally one local and one further afield.

While you are at it, ask the GP if Mum has agreed to share her records with you under the Patient Online or NHS App route. If she has, you can see her medications and appointments without ringing her up for them.

3. Where the will is, and where the LPA paperwork lives

Two separate things, both important. The will, if there is one, should be in a known place that at least two children can find. A locked drawer, a solicitor's office, a relative's house. The LPA paperwork, more on that below, lives somewhere accessible too.

If there is no will, this is the moment to gently raise it. A simple will costs around £200 at a solicitor and resolves years of potential family friction.

4. Lasting Power of Attorney (this is the big one)

Lasting Power of Attorney lets a person you trust make decisions for you if you ever lose the capacity to make them yourself. In the UK there are two types: Property and Financial Affairs, and Health and Welfare. Most families need both.

Why it matters: without an LPA, if a parent has a stroke or develops dementia and can no longer make decisions, the family has to apply to the Court of Protection for a deputyship. That costs around £400 to apply, takes six months or more, and the court controls a lot of what you can then do.

With an LPA in place, signed before any decline, you can step in seamlessly. It is registered with the Office of the Public Guardian (a one-off £82 fee per LPA, can be reduced or waived on low income). The application is straightforward and can be done online via gov.uk or with a solicitor.

The conversation to have: "Mum, while you are well, can we sort out LPAs? It is not because we think anything is wrong. It is because if anything ever happens, it stops the family having to go through court". Most parents say yes, especially when framed that way.

5. What they actually want around hospital and care

The most important conversation, and the hardest one. Things worth knowing while a parent is well enough to tell you:

• Do they want to be resuscitated if their heart stops at home, or in an ambulance? (This becomes a DNACPR form, signed by the GP, kept at home.)
• What about long-term ventilation if it comes to it?
• If they cannot live alone any more, would they consider live-in carers, a care home, or moving in with family? Have they got a preference?
• What do they want around end of life. Home, hospital, hospice. Burial or cremation. Music, readings, where the wake is.

These do not all need answering in one go. But the gaps in this list, when an emergency happens, get filled by someone other than your parent. Better that they fill the gaps themselves.

If you want it formal, an Advance Decision (sometimes called a Living Will) is a legally binding document covering treatments a person refuses to have. Compassion in Dying has free templates and a helpline.

6. Money: bills, accounts, joint signing

You do not need access to all your parent's finances. You do need to know:

• Which bank do they use, and is online banking set up?
• Are the bills on direct debit or do they pay them by cheque?
• Is there a financial LPA in place so you can step in if needed?
• Are there standing orders or subscriptions going out that they have forgotten about?
• Do they have a financial adviser, and what is their contact?

This is the conversation where parents bristle most. Frame it as logistics, not control. "If you were in hospital for a week, who would pay the gas bill?" That is the actual question, and it is a reasonable one.

7. A communication plan for a crisis

This is the bit most families get wrong. In a crisis, four siblings end up texting each other separately, repeating the same updates, missing the same questions, getting the same details from different sources. Everyone is exhausted and nothing is properly co-ordinated.

Agree, in advance:

• One family group (WhatsApp is fine) is the official channel.
• One named person is the main contact with the hospital or GP, so you are not all phoning the ward.
• One named person handles communication outwards to wider family and friends.
• Updates go in the group at agreed times of day, not in real-time stream of consciousness.

It feels formal until you have lived through a crisis without it.

8. The "who can be there in two hours" list

Last one. Write a list of people who could realistically get to Mum within two hours, with their phone numbers. Include neighbours, local friends, the cleaner, the carer, the church warden, anyone with a key. When something happens at 3am, this list is gold.

One copy on the fridge. One in each adult child's phone. One in Mum's "in case of emergency" file on the side.

How to actually have this conversation

Not a meeting. Not a sit-down. A Sunday lunch, or a long walk with one parent, or an evening with a cup of tea. Bring up one item at a time. The whole list does not have to happen in a day, or even a month. Spread it out so it feels like ordinary family logistics, not an audit.

If a parent resists the whole conversation, start with the small bits. Keys. The GP contact. That alone is a useful afternoon. The bigger stuff often follows in its own time once the first small win is in place.

Where Getwello fits

Half of this list is communication. Who knows what, when, and how do you share updates without four overlapping WhatsApp threads. That is what Getwello does for the ongoing, every-day version of this. Shared calendar so visits do not overlap. A daily check-in so the family knows Mum is well without anyone having to ring. Audit history so when something does change, everyone can see when.

It is not the thing for the crisis itself, that is what your communication plan above is for. But for the everyday that comes before and after, it stops most of the confusion that turns one missed phone call into a Sunday-evening panic. See how it works, or read about coordinating with siblings without arguments.