How we sorted out who visits Mum, without anyone falling out

For the best part of a year, my family had the same conversation on repeat. It usually started in the WhatsApp group, on a Sunday evening, and went something like this:

"Did anyone see Mum yesterday?"
"I thought you were going."
"I went last week, didn't you go this week?"

None of us were doing anything wrong. Three siblings, two with young kids, one in Manchester and the rest of us in London. Everyone wanted to help. Nobody wanted to be the person nagging. Mum, of course, would never tell you she had been on her own all weekend.

Why the WhatsApp group quietly stops working

Group chats are brilliant for a lot of things. Looking after a parent is not really one of them. Messages slide off the bottom of the screen, plans get made by whoever shouts loudest, and there is no shared picture of the week. Anyone who has tried to write down "who is doing what for Mum" on a Sunday evening from a group chat knows what I mean.

The other thing is, you cannot see the gaps. You can see the visits that have happened. You cannot see the four days in a row when nobody was planning to pop in. Those are the days that worry you.

The thing that finally helped

What changed for us, embarrassingly, was just looking at it on a calendar. Once the visits were sat next to each other on a single page, the planning got a lot easier. You could see the gap and someone would put their hand up to fill it. No nudging, no chasing.

We tried a shared Google Calendar first. It worked, sort of, but it got messy fast. Birthdays, work meetings, school plays — Mum's visits were just lost in there. We needed something that was only this.

That's what pushed us to put together what is now Getwello. A small calendar, just for the family, just for the person you are looking after. And a one-button daily check-in for Mum so you know she's well without having to ring her every day.

What worked, in plain steps

• One shared calendar, just for Mum. Not part of anyone's work calendar. Just the visits to her flat.
• A two-week view. Long enough to see gaps coming. Short enough that planning isn't overwhelming.
• Times, not just days. Sarah goes Mondays 10 to 3. So I aim for 3 to 7. We don't double up and we don't leave Mum on her own all evening.
• One quick check-in from Mum. She taps a button each morning. We can stop double-checking by phone.

None of this is rocket science. But the calmer the family chat gets, the more useful it is for the parent you are looking after. The arguments aren't really about visits anyway. They are about not knowing.

If you're trying to set this up

Pick whichever tool you like. The calendar is more important than the brand. Get one place where you can see who is going round, when they're going, and whether your loved one has said they are well today. That's it.

If you'd like to try our version, we built Getwello to do exactly this. Have a look at how it works, or start a Circle with your family. Five minutes to set up, free trial available, and it's £4.99 a month after that for up to ten people.