First steps when an older parent's health suddenly changes

One of the hardest weeks any family goes through is the one after something changes. Mum has a fall and ends up in A&E. Dad gets a diagnosis nobody saw coming. A neighbour calls because something isn't right. Suddenly the whole family is on group calls at 10pm, exhausted, trying to make twenty decisions at once.

This piece is the calm version of what to do. You don't need to do all of it; you need to do the right bits in the right order. Most of the panic comes from trying to solve everything at once.

The first 24 hours: get the medical picture clear

Before anything else, get a clean picture of what's actually happening medically. The single most useful thing here is finding one person who can answer questions: a named ward nurse, a GP, a discharge coordinator, anyone you can call back without starting from scratch each time.

• Write down their name, role, direct number if possible.
• Ask: what happened, what's the immediate plan, what's the likely timeline, who is the next point of contact.
• Ask in plain English. "What does that mean for what Mum can do at home?" is a fair question. They may not know yet; that's also useful information.

If your parent is in hospital, the hospital almost certainly has a discharge planning team. Ask to speak to them early, even before discharge feels close. The NHS publishes a clear guide to hospital discharge that's worth reading once now and once again the day before discharge, what's planned often changes.

The first 48 hours: stop the panicked phone calls between siblings

One specific bit of chaos in the first week is the "have you heard anything?" call between siblings. It's exhausting and it doesn't actually move anything forward. Two things help:

1. One named family contact for medical updates. Pick a sibling. They take the calls from the GP / hospital and they relay. The others stop calling the ward independently.
2. One agreed channel for family updates. A WhatsApp group is fine. A daily 9pm summary in the group is much better than ad-hoc texts at all hours.

This isn't about cutting people out. It's about reducing the load on whoever is dealing with the medical side, so they can think.

The first week: set up a basic daily check-in

If your parent is at home, you'll find yourself ringing them constantly to check they're OK. This is exhausting for both sides and, after a few days, starts feeling like surveillance. Set up something better as soon as you can.

The simplest version: agree a daily window when they will text you "I'm OK". Pick a time that fits their morning. If they don't text, you call. That's it.

If they're not great with phones, a one-button check-in app (which is what we built Getwello for) is more reliable. Whatever you choose, the goal is the same: you stop ringing in worry, they stop feeling chased, and you both get a bit of your week back.

(More on what makes a daily check-in actually usable for older parents if you're picking between options.)

The first two weeks: agree a rota

Once the immediate medical picture is clearer, the question becomes: who's going round when? In the first fortnight you'll probably need more visits than you'll need long-term, because:

• Your parent will be tired and unsettled.
• There'll be follow-up appointments, prescription pickups, kit to install.
• The home environment may need adjusting (a stair rail, a perching stool, a kettle that's lighter).

Agree a short-term rota with siblings, even rough. "Sarah Mondays and Wednesdays, you Tuesdays and Thursdays, the rest of us covering weekends." A shared calendar matters more here than usual: people are tired and forget what they said they'd do.

The first three weeks: contact adult social care

This is the bit families miss most often. Your local council has an adult social care team, and after a significant health change your parent is usually entitled to a free needs assessment. They come to the home (or the hospital before discharge), look at what your parent can manage, and recommend support.

What this typically unlocks:

• Equipment (raised toilet seats, walking aids, key safes) often free or subsidised.
• Carers visiting once a day or more (means-tested for cost).
• Telecare, pendant alarms, fall detectors, smoke / cooker monitoring.
• Day centres or befriending if loneliness has become a factor.

Search "adult social care" on your council's website and follow the contact route. There's usually a phone number and an online form. The phone is faster.

(If your parent is in hospital, ask the discharge team to refer for a social care assessment before discharge. It's much harder to chase later.)

What can wait two weeks

This is the bit nobody tells you. There's an instinct in the first week to fix everything: powers of attorney, downsizing the house, moving them closer, getting them onto a different list of medications. Almost all of it can wait two weeks.

Specifically, these are not first-week problems:

• Power of attorney (worth doing, can wait until things have settled and they're well enough to think about it).
• Moving house, moving closer, moving in with you.
• Selling the home.
• Major changes to standing financial arrangements.
• Long arguments about whether they should ever drive again.

Park them. They will come back. Trying to solve them in week one is how families fall out.

Look after yourself, properly

The first week of a health crisis runs on adrenaline and not much sleep. By week two it catches up with you. Eat. Sleep. Don't drink to wind down. Tell your work that something has happened so you're not also failing at the job.

Carers UK has a free advice line for exactly this situation: carersuk.org/help-and-advice. They've heard your week before. They will not judge.

If you're still working out who to call about what, our useful resources page covers the UK organisations worth knowing, with a note on when to go to each.

Where Getwello fits

The piece of this most families struggle with is the "constant ringing in worry" loop in week one and two. Getwello's daily check-in is built specifically for this: your parent taps one button, you know they're OK, the panicked calls stop. The shared calendar handles the rota piece in the same place.

It's not a substitute for any of the medical or social care steps above. It's the layer that reduces family load while you do those other things. See how it works, or read our piece on rota mechanics for the calendar side.